To achieve Step 3, individuals should react to setbacks by staying calm and continuing to try hard at the task, if appropriate.
In the previous step, the focus was on individuals continuing to work at something when something goes wrong. This step builds on that by focusing on not just persisting but staying calm to allow for a measured response.
The building blocks of this step are learning:
In the previous step, we explored how things going wrong can often lead to a negative emotional reaction.
Sometimes when something bad happens, we might feel sad. However, sometimes we have a stronger negative emotional response of feeling angry or scared:
When we have one of these emotional responses, we might take actions which end up making things much worse:
When we are scared, we try to protect ourselves. This can be a sensible step if we are in danger and need protection. However, sometimes we want to run away from something when we are not really in danger – we are just worried. If we run away in this situation, we might end up being unable to continue with what we are doing – essentially we end up giving up.
When we are angry, we behave quite differently. Being angry makes us feel like we have energy, but we might end up taking actions which are poorly thought through. There is a term of a ‘red mist’ descending when we are angry – it means that when we have a strong emotional response, we stop being able to think clearly about what is going on. Instead, we look to blame someone or to try to fix an injustice. We might end up being aggressive to other people or situations and behave in ways that are not appropriate, damaging relationships in the process.
For these reasons, we need to think about how to avoid these emotional responses when something goes wrong.
Calmness is a positive emotion which is when we are settled and content with a situation. It is not a strong positive emotion like happiness, or an energetic, positive emotion like excitement.
It is challenging to move from a setback to strong positive emotions, but with practice, it is possible to neutralise strong negative emotions, to get back to a state of calm.
Being calm is helpful because it gives space to think about a setback or a problem to think through what could be done instead. It is tough to make good plans or develop new ideas if you are not feeling calm first.
There are a few steps to calm down if you feel angry:
1. It is essential to make a choice to calm down. It will take thoughtful effort to be able to calm down and will take energy.
2. You might need some space. Particularly if you have just got the bad news or feel upset about someone’s actions, you should try to take yourself out of that situation, so you have time and space to think. Combining this with fresh air works well.
3. You could think about something that calms you down, like people you love, happy memories or something you are looking forward to.
4. Sometimes people focus on breathing slowly as there is some evidence that this helps you to focus.
5. Some people find counting in their heads an effective way of avoiding an immediate adverse reaction.
6. Talk to someone who you trust and who is supportive. Sometimes talking about something can help you to feel less angry or upset by it
7. Sometimes physical activity can help, as can trying to relax your body – if we are tense it often causes us to tense our shoulders, for example.
Some of these different approaches will be more or less effective for different people – and you might find your own methods that work particularly well for you. However, always remember that the critical step is to recognise when you are feeling angry or upset, and making the decision to become calm.
To teach this step:
This step can be reinforced in a classroom setting. It might be worth having a visual reminder of what an individual can do to stay calm in the face of setbacks which can be referred to if learners are scared or angry in the context of the classroom or elsewhere in the school.
It might also be possible to provide learners with regular reflective opportunities for them to think about their emotions of the week, and how they have managed any setbacks.
This step is best assessed through observing how learners respond to setbacks in the classroom or things going wrong – including how they interact with their teachers, parents and peers outside of learning.
This step will be relevant to those who encounter setbacks at work.
To build this step in the work environment, managers could:
There are plenty of opportunities for building this skill in the workplace:
For those already employed, this step is best assessed by observing an individual over a series of events. For instance:
During the recruitment process, this step could be assessed by:
We work with a wide range of organisations, who use the Skills Builder approach in lots of different settings – from youth clubs, to STEM organisations, to careers and employability providers.
We have a lot of materials available to support you to use the Skills Builder Universal Framework with the individuals you work with, including:
We also do a lot of work with organisations who join the Skills Builder Partnership to build the Universal Framework into their work and impact measurement systems. You can find out a lot more using the links below.
Whilst learning we can experience differing emotions. Some positive and some negative. If we are finding some new learning particularly challenging, or when we feel like we have lots to do and not enough time or resources to do it, we can become anxious or stressed. Negative feelings can affect the way we speak and listen to others, or work with them on any shared tasks. We should seek to stay calm when things feel like they are going wrong in our educational setting. Losing our ‘cool’ in a stressful learning environment could affect our learning in a negative way and should be avoided.
Whether in the office, retail space, factory, or off-site, we may experience something going wrong in our working day. This can be challenging as we are all only human and will experience an emotional response. It is possible to change strong negative emotions such as anger and frustration and to get back to a state of calm. Being calm is helpful because it gives space to think about the situation and come up with possible solutions. It is hard to make good plans, find creative solutions or develop new ideas if you are not feeling calm first.
Sometimes when things go wrong, we may find that we have very strong negative emotional response. When this happens, we need to be careful that we do not take an action which could end up making things no better and might even make them much worse. If we are worried or scared, we might retreat – run away and give up, when, had we carried on, we could have achieved something. Or we might feel angry and look to blame someone else. This may mean we respond aggressively and damage our relationship with them. It is therefore important to develop ways to remain calm in negative situations where ever we may be.
To best practise this step of Staying Positive, apply what you have learnt to a real-life situation. Choose one or more of the activities below, remind yourself of the key points and strategies in the step, and have a go!
As a parent or carer, you might be thinking about how best to support your children to build their essential skills. The good news is that there is lots that you can do that will have a big impact, including:
We’ve developed a whole series of tools and resources to help parents to build these skills, including:
There is also content for older children and young people, including short activities and reflections that they can complete alone, or with you.
